Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22)
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.
(1 Corinthians 6:18)
Pornography is just a click away for Internet-savvy teens and ‘tweens. Read on for how you can help protect your child from pornography’s lure.
According to the website XXXChurch, the average age of first exposure to pornography is eleven years old. This statistic crosses all socio-economic and religious boundaries. One online site stated that there are “more outlets for hard-core pornography in the United States, than there are McDonald’s restaurants.” With that in mind, if you think your family is immune, you are woefully unprepared to confront it, should your child be one of the statistics.
What can you do?
Don’t be in denial: Saying, “not my kid” or “it can’t happen to us” is ostrich-ism. We hate to think about our children being kidnapped, or being the victim of a child-predator, however we know it happens. When it does, it is often our fear of discussing “difficult” topics and a failure to prepare our children that is at the root. We are afraid of discussing the topic because our children are intrinsically innocent, and we don’t want to “corrupt them.” We don’t want to talk about it because it may frighten them; because it frightens us or because we don’t want to make them think about it if they weren’t thinking about it and now we’ve “planted the seed.”
Jesus pulled aside His twelve disciples and discussed “difficult” topics with them as well. He spoke of His coming death. It upset His disciples (see Matthew 16:21-22 for Peter’s reaction to the news that Jesus would be crucified), but His job was preparing them for life without Him. It is no different with our own children.
Be Proactive: Discuss the topic. Have Internet Rules that all of your children must obey. Some parents have issues with the installation of Internet Filters and Chat Monitoring Software. We have burglar alarms to protect our homes, and this is no different. Children do not have the right to vote, drink or gamble until an age wherein they possess the maturity to make informed decisions about such. Until that time, they are entrusted to your care, supervision and rules to help them navigate such decisions. This is one of those issues. Keep your computer(s) in open family areas. Walk by. Know what is going on. Yes, children may resent it. They often resent many things parents do to keep them safe…but they also often appreciate it later and thank you! Whether they ever thank you or not, this is all par for the course when we sign up to be parents, and we must remember that as our children answer to us, we must answer to God. Protecting our children, and the parenting decisions we make are part and parcel of what we will be accountable for.
Keep An Open Dialog: Be someone your children can talk to! Pornography, in particular, is a “secret sin,” something that those who have admitted to addictions with will tell you they work hard at keeping underground. Talk about difficult subjects. Check in with kids frequently to see what is going on in their lives (sports, friends, school, life “stuff” in general!). Know their friends.
Examine Yourself: Many parents think that if you allow kids to experiment in your home, it helps kids with their “curiosity” and they will “get it out of their systems”? This applies to drinking, smoking (both legal and illegal substances) and even sex.
Examine Your Environment: Are there Victoria Secret catalogs strewn around the house? What do you watch on TV? What kinds of movies do you watch? Ratings are funny things these days, and you can find many movies with ratings indicating acceptability for teen viewing with scenes and/or language that really are not appropriate. This includes video games.
Continue the Discussion: If your child is viewing pornography, talk about it. Talk about your values and why this doesn’t work for your household. Forgive, but don’t turn a blind eye. Help your child to keep his resolve to stay away from pornography.
The problem is that most adult men who admit to an addiction with pornography said that the addiction began in their teens with “harmless” magazines. This also caused issues later in life, even after marriage provided a sexual outlet, because of unhealthy attitudes about women, sex and self-concept.
Pornography and masturbation are self-gratifying activities. They are selfish and do not teach our children to think of the needs of others and delay gratification.
Some may think this “hardline” approach is over-reacting and a bit extreme. I liken it to those commercials for TheTVBoss.org where the parents tell visitors in the living room how they are barred from the house because they are harming the family. You then find out these are characters from a parent’s favorite TV show. If a predator showed up at your door, would you let him in? With the advent of a 24-hour super-highway, there are some predators that don’t have to arrive in a “plain brown wrapper.” You are the parent…it starts with you!
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